Friday, December 30, 2011

The Impostor

I just got my internal medicine evaluation. It's times like these that I feel like I've pulled the wool over everyone's eyes. My preceptor gave me "exceeds expectations" in almost all categories. I know that at more than one point I knew some thing she didn't know, but I really think that was just luck since I've been to so many conferences recently.

Preceptors always say "it may be just because of your background but...." it's their way of turning my older than average status into a positive. This one however was more specific - my experience and that I'm accustomed to working at all. I apparently have a strong work ethic.

When my patients tell me that they think I'm a great doctor, I assume it's just because they like my smile (or, like my little woman from Honduras, because they like my eyes). It's hard to believe that my patients know enough about the intricacies of what is going on behind the scenes to make these statements. That is so incredibly pompous of me to not think that my patients are able to make these assessments.

It's difficult for me to take compliments but maybe it's just as well because I always feel so stupid that I need to study constantly.


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