How did I become this person?

My first block exam is soon. I'm not remotely ready despite promising myself that wouldn't be me. I'm terrified of failing out of med school.

I'd go to church but I don't like the wine

I keep waiting for someone in a white coat waving a cane to come running into the classroom, pointing at me and yelling that I'm not supposed to be there. So far this hasn't happened. It's only been 5 weeks though, there's plenty of time for that.

Before coming to school I was incredibly torn about what I was going to do for orientation week. Here I am, significantly older than my classmates, not able to hold my liquour (as a lovely going away party proved) but still wanting to make connections with my classmates. These are the people I'll be working beside, not only for the next few years but as my colleagues for the rest of my life. I want to make a good impression. I want to be someone that people will study with. But mostly, I want to be liked. Whoever said that med school is just high school, take two, wasn't exaggerating. The class is quite clearly divided, not just physically into front vs. back, left vs. right but also the partiers, the jocks, the book smart, the religious and me. I don't fit into any of the groups but seem to have been adopted by the religious.

It's weird. It's not that I don't like like religion. Many of the best religions serve wine at service which I can't help but endorse. It's just that it's not me. It's not just Christians in this group, there are Muslims as well. What will they all do to me when they realise I don't go to church? Will they wave a cane and kick me out as well? What will happen when even the religious nerds don't want me?

Due to logistical issues (I was commuting from another city) I didn't hit the major parties in O-week, especially toga. This meant that I missed out on a huge opportunity to meet a large portion of the class. I wanted them to get to know me before making judgements about me based on my age and my non-athletic nature. They will know soon enough that I've only got an average intelligence, that I'm not very quick on my feet and speaking of feet, mine spend most of their time in my mouth. I wanted them to get to know the fun me first.

As long as I can keep my mouth shut for the next few weeks, there's always Hallowe'en.