'Twas the night before CaRMS Match

And final year medical students all across Canada are stressed, drunk, taking sleeping pills or oblivious.

Though I know that any of the programs I ranked will be fine, I really want my number one spot most. Anything in my top five will be OK. After that though, it's not as pleasant.

I know I can make a home anywhere and I can direct my own learning wherever I am to fulfill my own goals. But, I would really like to be near friends again, and in a comfortable community. I want to feel like I'm putting down roots not getting ready to move on again. I've always been one to live in the now, not assume that "my life will start after medical school" or at some other distant point in time. Life is what I'm living now. It's just time for me to also look to be planning a future. These are big, grown up, "I'm almost 40" thoughts.

And since everyone knows what my top pick is, will I be dealing with overly sympathetic eyes tomorrow if I don't match there? What if I do end up in my 24th spot? How will I tell everyone?

And they are keeping me awake tonight.