Doctors make the worst patients

I know I've said it before, but I'm a terrible patient. I hate being unwell and I hate admitting weakness in any way.

Right now I'm in the waiting room of my doc's office trying to look inconspicuous. Maybe if it's not obvious I'm here she'll miss me and I won't need to have an appointment.

My friend has been pushing me to go to my doc for a while. I thought I was doing well just finding a doc, but apparently she wants me to actually visit the doc too. Jerk.

I've been trying to diagnose myself. Every time something happens, I have a reason for it. I don't need someone else to tell me what's going on, I went to med school. What I don't have is perspective or the ability to differentiate between what needs to be included in a differential and what can be discarded. I have been throwing out almost all choices my friends suggest. I judge myself on a different ruler than I would my friends, family or patients. I feel ashamed for being sick. Goofy, but true.

Flipping into the mind set that I'm here as a patient and need to act that way is going to be difficult. I've always felt like I'm a bother at the docs office and since my own family doc retired, I've never really liked doctors. Like most in the health care field, my mom ensured that we were bleeding from the head or unconscious before taking us to the doctor. She sent me to school with a broken wrist, sure I was exaggerating. Even at 4 years old, I was ashamed of my broken wrist and the art work I made as a kindergartner with only one functional hand.

There's no reason for it and I don't know where this message of "thou shalt not be sick" came from but it really gets in the way of me taking care of my preventative health activities as well as getting to the doc when I am actually sick.

In general, I'm well. I get viruses like crazy because kids love sneezing in my face. While I'm this healthy and well, I should be fostering a relationship with my doc so that she will notice changes as I age that I don't notice because I'm too pig headed.

So, to my annoyingly bossy friend, I say, thanks for making me make this appointment.

Even if the doc is running over an hour behind schedule.

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