I know it's not what I'm supposed to do as a resident. I should suck it up and go in to learn. White Coat Black Art devoted part of a program to the idea of resident's feeling a need to go into work sick. We feel like we're looked at as weak and not keen when we need to stay home. We're letting the team down. We aren't learning as much as we could - we have Malcom Gladwell's hours to fulfil after all. We know that this will be the day that the patient with a rupturing AAA and MS with typhoid comes in and we'll miss that fantastic learning experience.
In cases like my current rotation, I just don't even know how to call in sick. I have a different preceptor every day. My rotation is in a different city so I don't know how they do things. When I stayed home sick on Sunday, I still drove in after taking Tylenol hoping that the acetaminophen would make me feel better. By the time I arrived at the hospital though, I was a mess - dizzy, my legs were wobbly and I couldn't stand up right. So I waited to tell my preceptor I was sick then drove the 45 minutes back home again. That's safe.
In general, we get stuck in this culture that really rewards us for showing up to work and putting in a strong effort but also gets upset with us for making other people sick. One of the residents on the WCBA pod cast about going into work sick told a story about how the daughter of one of her patients told the resident that her mother was sick enough, she didn't need to also have whatever illness the resident had and told her to get out of the room. I can't imagine a patient being that bold but I love it.
If my Dad was re-hospitalized with more heart complaints, I wouldn't want a resident as gross and sick as I am right now taking care of him. And that's how I'm trying to not feel guilty about this decision.
It's not working though.
It's still 2 days I'm taking off in a week. I have so much to learn. I look like a wimp. The script of all things that I'm doing wrong keeps running through my mind. I'm not sure if the script is how I judge other people, how I've heard other people be judged or how I imagine they'll judge me.
I'm not able to pay attention to something that is just as important. When I'm dizzy and falling down, I'm not able to learn much anyway. Best to get better and use my spare time once I'm well to study.
The WCBA podcast talked about a need for the change in culture. It's true. One of my residents on general surgery injected himself with an anti-nausea medication so that he could work through his shift with a stomach flu. Our consultant gave him a strong tongue lashing and told him to get home, that our patients are sick enough and don't need a gastroenteritis as well plus the rest of the team is now at risk because he was with us while we rounded. We need more of these docs to stand up and speak their mind.
I can't help but wonder though, if that surgeon had also decided he needed to stay home b/c of a virus, what would happen to his patients booked in for that day? We don't have a call pool like many nursing teams do so we can get another surgeon in on the fly. Especially another general surgeon with a sub specialty like this one. It's not that he is entirely indispensable, but he definitely has patients who are depending on him to be there when he says he will. They have waited for months for surgery and he only has a few operating days/week that he is allowed to use. The pressures he must feel when feeling unwell must be incredible.
Above all else in my future practice, I hope to not be indispensable. If I'm sick, I really don't want to share that with my patients.
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