Kids say the darndest things

I have an adorable young family who comes into the office. Every time I see them I giggle because mom allows the kids to dress themselves. Sometimes I'm treating princesses other times race car drivers. They are a lot of fun.

Yesterday, Kiddo was in for a sore ear. Every time I tried to look, he'd swivel his head around to look at my stethoscope. Finally I just hung it around his neck so I could do the exam.

While I was telling Mom what I saw, Kiddo put the bell in the middle of my chest and said "ba bum ba bum ba bum". I asked him what noise my stomach made. He said "whooshy wishy woosh". I asked what noise his knee made. He said "sqeeeeeee". Then I went back to th exam but he clearly wasn't done. He said "what sound does you boob make?" put the bell on my breast and said, "woooo-uuu, woooo-uuu".

Mom quickly stuck out her elbow and asked what sound it made.

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My favorite plan for a patient yet;

More foreplay!!!



I should start to prescribe it more freely.


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Why do my patients wait until my preceptor goes away to decomponsate??

Why?? I love the learning I get to do when I'm on my own, but the terror of not knowing what to do plus the realization it's up to me to figure out how to keep the patients alive ... It's a lot for a new resident.

My next block is emergency medicine. It's less intense than family right? No? Dammit.


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Jam

I try to ask my in patients if there's something I can do for them before I leave. Sometimes it's a change to their bowel meds, others something goofy like get me out of here. It's a way for us
to get the little uncomfortable things fixed and sometimes have a giggle. I think it's good patient care. We are always running between patients and trying to get to clinic so the little things are easily missed.

This morning, after thinking very hard about it, one of my elderly patients waiting for placement replied "you know, I'd really like an extra jam for my toast. I love jam and one just isn't enough".

That patient is on a high calorie diet in an attempt to help him gain weight. The jam makes sense from my point of view.

I asked the head nurse if I could order it for him and she said no.

But, as I was leaving, she was on the phone with dietary making the request.

Things like that are good for patients, good for hospital staff. We are showing we care about individuals and by making my notes about the conversations we have and his request for jam, everyone who picks up the chart has a better idea of what kind of a person the patient is.

He's one who likes jam.


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When our rounds get canceled

Residents play Super Mario Yahtzee!!



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High tech problem...

Low tech solution.

There was a quick power outage in town yesterday. The computers mounted on the walls, very high up, shut down.

As I turned onto the floor, I saw a nurse on tip toes with a cane in hand trying to turn the computers back on.

Made me giggle.



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I hate cigarettes

I hate cigarettes. Hate the smoke they make, hate the stink they cause, hate how addictive they are and the diseases that they cause.

Every time I find out that a patient smokes, I ask them “What can I do today to help you quit smoking?”. It shows I care, that I think smoking is a really bad thing and is non confrontational.

Talking with a couple yesterday, I found out that they smoked. They were joking around that she had told her partner that if he continued to smoke with his Crohn’s disease. I told them that there was something to that since smoking causes damage to our smallest blood vessels like the ones in our retinas.

I then pointed to him and said, it’s the reason you guys get erectile dysfunction when you smoke.

Without missing a beat, he responded, "Ok, when I get erectile dysfunction, I'll get my eyes checked."

I almost fell off my chair I was laughing so hard. Not what I had in mind but really funny.

**unlike all my other stories, this is one that I've asked permission from my patient to share this story with you and was given verbal permission so this is a true, unadulterated story!**